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Excruciating up-to-the-minute coverage of some irrelevant bullshit story that has no ramifications whatsoever.

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Ever since CoD Modern warfare 2 came out, game designers are already putting the finishing touchs of Modern warfare 3, and you can see it here BTW, I DONT OWN ANYTHING THAT IS IN THE VIDEO

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Our Tech Trends reporter looks at the new gizmo Sony promises will revolutionize the way consumers become infuriated by goddamn blinking TV box things.

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Onion News Network, Fridays at 10/9c on IFC. The local Onion affiliate in Pennington, IL reports the tire is basically new and there for the taking.

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For a majority of likely voters, meaningless bullshit will be the most important factor in deciding who they will vote for in 2008. More coverage at: onion.com

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A report on immigration from the Onion News Network.

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An Al Qaeda representative says that claims the US government was behind the attacks on Sept. 11th are demeaning to Al Qaeda. More coverage at: onion.com

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At a press conference today, the AGU announced it will not even acknowledge Mike Greenman until he begins dressing better and loses some weight.

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The MacBook Wheel lets consumers accomplish everyday tasks like typing with just a few dozen spins and clicks of a wheel.

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The anchors of the Onion News Network's top-rated program "FactZone" answer viewers' questions about what it's like behind the scenes of the most powerful cable news channel in recorded human history. The Onion News Network premieres on IFC on January 21st at 10/9pm c.

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Despite arguments against capital punishment, the Justices overwhelmingly approved its use, especially if they get to participate in some executions.

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The Blockbuster Video Living Museum offers tourists a glimpse of how Americans rented movies before the advent of services like Netflix and iTunes. More coverage at: onion.com

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Ford says the '93 Taurus is the only car to drive in 2010, and they think Americans will have no other choice but to agree.

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Tech Trends' Jeff Tate explains the new service that pairs insufferable Apple customers with "friends" that will listen to them rattle on for hours.

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The Onion News Network, the most popular 24-hour cable news network in America, is coming to IFC on Friday January 21, 2011 at 10pm.

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Fans are worried that the feature film adaptation of the beloved trailer won't live up to the original 90-second story's vision. More coverage at: onion.com

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A recent poll shows 62% of Americans say they don't want to vote for Palin, but kinda have to just to see what would happen.

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Voting machine DRE700 came out of nowhere to defeat Barack Obama and John McCain and become the first machine president.

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Apple CEO Tim Cook announced that in 2012 the company will release the Steve Jobs 2, an updated version of the revolutionary Apple founder featuring a richer, deeper voice and a sleek new white turtleneck.

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I'M AGAINST BIBER !!!! No comment !! No comment !! Once again rumors related teen pop sensation Justin Bieber popped up on web. Recently, a shocking discovery is made by the Onion News Network that a 51-year-old pedophile Michael Cotes has worn as a wig and convincing rubber mask and appeared as teen Bieber for many years.

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A new scam preys on the elderly by informing them they have died and instructing them to reroute their social security checks to the "Department of the Dead."

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Modesto, CA residents turned out for the city's annual Ninja Parade, where no ninjas were seen for the 30th year in a row. More coverage at: www.onion.com

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In The Know panelists discuss yesterday's truck accident, and why nothing was done to prevent the vehicle from accidentally spiraling out of control and killing rafters in canyon below.

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Multi-millionaire pop sensation, K'ronikka, appears on Today Now! completely unaware that she is responsible for the deterioration of civilized society. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com

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Women Deserve Better says PETA abuses defenseless, simple-minded women by forcing them to remove their clothing and participate in humiliating...

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Researchers conducting the Friendster excavation say the site has been deserted since the year 2005 AD

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'E-Mom' Gloria Bianco shows Jim and Tracy how geographical distance is no longer a roadblock to shamelessly interfering with the lives of your children.

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Episode 109 of The Onion News Network on IFC--Tucker Hope. March, 2011

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lost.eu Officials confirm that all online data has been lost after the Internet crashed and was forced to restart. lost.eu

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I don't have the rights for this, but I just needed to share it. Amazing.

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Rachel Maddow pays tribute to Brooke Alvarez of Factzone. Courtesy of Onion News Network, aired 11th February 2011. Maddow sites: www.msnbc.msn.com maddowblog.msnbc.msn.com No copyright infringement is intended in any way. However, if the copyright owner wishes for the video to be removed please contact me directly and let me know. Thank you

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The court ruled a white teen who stabbed a classmate to death will face the jury as a 300-pound black man. Onion News Network, Fridays at 10/9c on IFC.

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From Onion News Network International: North Korea's space program will capture the moon and bring it home, a feat no Western nation could accomplish.

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Suspect Alex Croft, who has a ton of black friends, planned to kill Obama because of his socialist agenda—not because of his skin color.

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Embarrassed Diebold officials apologized after one of their electronic voting machines prematurely revealed the winner of our upcoming sham election. More coverage at: onion.com

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The nation is still reeling from accident at Sony Pictures which unleashed dozens of films starring the irritating actress on an unsuspecting public.

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Business Week ranked the airport last in customer satisfaction due to long delays, bureaucratic employees, and overall oppressive atmosphere.

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In The Know panelists say more states should make decorating a nursery and choosing a baby name required steps in obtaining access to an abortion.

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A report from the Onion News Network about a possible future Batman.

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Watch the Onion on TV - October 4th at 10/9c - Only On IFC.

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TS!W's Phillip Wilburn interview Brooke Alvarez from The Onion News Network on what you need to be a success in the news business! This performance is from TOP STORY! WEEKLY Ep. 98, I Gotsa Have My Stories, April 17, 2011, iO West Theater in Hollywood ****************** Where hard news meets Hollywood. Top Story! Weekly www.topstoryweekly.com

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In a complex world..

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Girlfriends' spokesperson Kelly Ambrose joins us in the Financial Fallout Shelter to discuss why Boyfriends moving in with them just makes fiscal sense right now.

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Susan Barrett performs in a segment for the Onion News Network as a member of the "Damaged Women Coalition."

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Full article here: www.examiner.com The Onion is out to dominate TV with a new series on IFC. Suzanne Sena stars are Brooke Alvarez, newscaster for 'FactZone'. Here she talks about her rivalry with Wolf Blitzer, advice for would-be journalists, and her own aspirations for world domination.

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Onion News Network is a parody television news show. The show is scheduled to premiere on January 21, 2011, at 10:00 pm EST on IFC.

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youtube.com and afajp.org This week, The Onion celebrates its 1000th issue. We are proud, not only of our journalistic accomplishments, but also of the high praise heaped upon us by our readers. While we normally disdain any acknowledgment of the unwashed masses who keep our advertisers in business, we are humbled by the efforts of AFAJP to recognize our unique and valuable coverage with a demand for a Pulitzer Prize. If you feel similarly, we urge you to support this selfless and wise organization.

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Here is the show opener for FactZone that I worked on. The first 15 seconds were created by me (except for the eyeball 3d model, and the 3d model of the little bomb thing that flies onto the screen at 0:09). The second part (after 15s) was created by Chris Ervine. The whole opener was concepted and creatively directed by Judy Adler, JJ Shebesta, Chris, and me.

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